Rules
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Do not post comments that are intended to cause harm, harass, abuse or threaten others in threads, posts, private messages, resources, the gallery or articles. Follow the golden rule when posting - Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. Approach other users with kindness, and be gentle - although this is the Internet, our users are real people, with real feelings. If your post is critical of another user, consider your words carefully. Refrain from personal attacks, stick to the facts - including how you interpreted their words - and focus on getting to an amicable resolution. If your goal is to punish, shame, flame or troll, please step away and reach out to a moderator or administrator for assistance and guidance to resolve the situation.
This rule is not intended to prevent discussion, nor is it intended to allow Tone Policing. Differing opinions, cultural practices, mistakes and accidents can all kick start uncomfortable conversations which are within the Terms and Rules.
(This applies to content of all types, including but not limited to: Threads, Private Messages, Articles, Resources and Media, and any comments made on content posted by others.)
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When disagreements occur, sometimes people with tightly held beliefs will "double down" on an opinion, even when presented with evidence that it is incorrect. This is an extremely common and totally natural reaction, but please resist the temptation!
"But most of us nowadays use double down to indicate stubbornly clinging to a notion in the face of evidence to the contrary. And while the doubling-downer feels smug and confident, to the observer, it often looks like an obvious hot-air pivot by someone too insecure to consider that they might be wrong. While we should expect politicians to do it (after all, their livelihood depends on appearing to have the answers), anyone is capable of doubling down — journalists, partners, friends, scientists and colleagues." -- The Psychology of Doubling Down
While this sometimes doesn't matter (an opinion that red is better than blue), there are times where it can be wildly hurtful, particularly when speaking to a marginalized person and disputing their lived experiences. If you're discussing a topic that is at all sensitive for anyone, and your opinion is being rebuffed by facts - even if you dispute their accuracy - please take a moment to examine your opinions and why you're feeling compelled to argue.
If you're unable to reconcile your feelings with the statements of the person you're debating, your best course of action may be to simply say that: "I am struggling to reconcile my beliefs and your experiences. I need to take some time to examine this information. Thank you for discussing it candidly with me." At that point, it's important to step away, give yourself some time to decompress, and then re-examine the information later. You may want to do some additional research. Please remember that marginalized persons do not owe you additional education, although some may be willing to provide more information if you are genuine in your intentions to learn. Please be appreciative of their efforts, respectful of their time, and considerate in your word choices if and when the conversation resumes.
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If your words cause hurt, the best thing to do is to genuinely apologize for that. Sometimes you may have been correct, but conveyed your message in a hurtful way. This is not intended to allow or enforce tone policing, but rather to prevent - and atone for - the initial harm in the first place, rather than the reactions caused by that harm.
For more information on effective apologies and written communication, check out these links and resources:
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Although this is a closed forum, there are no requirements to join. Assume that anyone could read what you post at any time.
Please remember that the Internet is forever: do not post detailed personal information about yourself/significant other(s)/children/family/friends, including medical conditions or psychiatric diagnoses without their express consent. It is likely that the anonymity of a closed forum will not be sufficient to protect their privacy, and what you post here could become visible to others.
Violating the personal privacy of others is against the Terms and Rules of TheBabywearer.
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We will in no way tolerate any language that is hurtful, derogatory, inflammatory, pejorative or otherwise inciting of hatred. Racist, classist, sexist, ableist, homophobic, transphobic, and xenophobic language choices or other hate speech will be required to be edited or removed by a moderator and a warning will be issued. Microaggressions and othering are included in this. Repeated violations will result in a ban.
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All forms of support for hatred and white supremacy, including open support for public and/or political figures who, either by words or actions, uphold hatred and white supremacy, will be prohibited. White supremacy will not be given any space at TBW. Any posts, comments, pictures, avatars or signature lines that support hatred or white supremacy will be removed and the content owner warned. Repeated violations will result in a ban.
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Any and all content that references or implies abusive behavior, intentional or not, must be behind an appropriately labeled Spoiler Warning, to ensure that it does not traumatize or re-traumatize other users. Please understand that different people have different thresholds for what behavior, especially with respect to appropriate discipline of children, constitutes abuse. For an overview of what is commonly considered abusive behaviors, please see the following links:
Per the Terms and Rules, the decision on allowable content will be made as necessary by the moderation team, administrators and Volunteer Board of TBW, and any such decisions will be final.
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Do not post something written by someone else without their express permission, including reprinting of articles, song lyrics, emails/private messages written by other people, images, etc. If you do not own rights to the material, provide a link to the piece rather than copying it on the forums. In addition, any unauthorized copying and pasting of TBW content and/or another poster's comments or pictures is in direct violation of our Terms and Rules. The moderator team will impose penalties for reported cases as we deem feasible and appropriate.
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You will be able to edit your posts for a limited period of time. Today, that is 6 months. This could change at any time. If shortened or if this ability is removed, no recourse will be given, and the moderators/administrators will not edit for you. Should you feel that editing of an old post is necessary, please ‘report’ the post and note your reasons. A moderator or administrator will contact you.
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- promotions e.g. “sale on this month”
- image files or banners
- items FS/FT and links to items in the FSOT/ISO forum(s)
- links to eBay listings (Note: You may include a link to your eBay store if that is your primary place of business.)
- content that could be seen as inflammatory to other members
- content that violates the terms and rules for thebabywearer.com
- a link to a business that you do not own
- Moderators may edit signatures that do not comply with these rules.
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If a member violates any of these rules, a warning may be given and that member's post(s) and/or thread(s) may be edited or deleted by a member of the moderator team. In most cases, a moderator will contact the poster via PM to let them know that an edit has been made, but in some cases the moderator may instead describe the reason for the edit at the end of the post.